On December 16th 2005, my 24th birthday my mom went in for surgery. She had been misdiagnosed for over 18 months before just a week prior to surgery hearing the news she had cancer.
Her body had began failing her back in May 2003 after me and her took a mom and daughter trip to Hawaii. The morning we came home she was rushed into the emergency room and to the ICU fighting for her life with a life threatening infection. She spent nearly a month fighting and recovering but her body was never the same. She had a string of unusual symptoms and pains. She was diagnosed with everything from Rheumatoid Arthritis to Lyme's Disease. She had regular visits with top Dr's and know one could figure out why the medicine wasn't working and that would follow with a new diagnosis.
I remember the day I got the call from my dad. He called and let me know they were 100% sure that what was wrong with my mom wasn't all the other Disease's but her body was over run with cancer. They weren't sure exactly how bad it was and wouldn't know until they got her into surgery. Her surgery day. My birthday.
I worked the day of her surgery as to keep my mind off what was going on. I was heartbroken and petrified at what they would find. I tried not to watch the clock too much because I knew the longer she was under the knife the worse her cancer was. I wept throughout the day and before I knew it my shift was over. I called my dad thinking maybe he hadn't had a chance to call me. It had been 8 and she still wasn't out of surgery yet. Another hour would pass before she was in recovery and we would here from the Dr.
My mom's body had been over run the cancer spread everywhere in the month's of misdiagnosis. She was one stage before being inoperable she was given only a 30% chance of survival past 5 years and would need to start chemo right away. She was a Stage 3C. My dad brother and I bawled together as we waited to see my mom and who had know clue of the diagnosis. She was in tons of pain she said she felt like a gutted fish. She spent the next 2 and a half weeks recovering. We celebrated Christmas and New Year's with her in the hospital. I would go and wash and brush her hair for her. We would cry she was scared of what chemo would bring and make her feel I was scared of losing my mom. After leaving the hospital and regaining a little of her strength it was time to start her chemo the date Friday January 13th.
Chemo is grueling and tries to wear out your spirit. It makes your tired. It makes you sick. It makes you lose your hair. Everywhere. I remember my mom telling me how everything looked so bright after she lost her eyelashes. My dad got her a custom made wig for her. She wore it twice. She had began to embrace her baldness and didn't want a heavy hot itchy wig on. She wore head coverings while out and would also go out bald. People would stare but she had a new look on life and didn't care.
Written by my mom about Chemo:
"As I prepared my mind mentally, I thought I had nothing to fear. I took many classes to prepare myself for what was to come. I was told to cut my long beautiful hair. Of course, I refused to do that. I thought that if I hair sprayed it , it would last forever. On the 18th day I decided to take a jacuzzi bath. When I opened my eyes and saw my hair floating, I starting bawling my eyes out, I didn't panic, I got out of the tub and realized that reality had finally set in. I had cancer. It makes my stomach turn to say that word. I like flu better.. I got out off the tub and shaved my head, I looked at myself in the mirror and thanked God that I was still here. I didn't think of myself as being a different person , but I really didn't know who I was either. I looked so different but my heart and mind was still me. It took months for me to come to the conclusion that I really hadn't changed at all. I get angry to this day that I had to go through this. How could I be punished in a way I really don't understand. I haven't to this day gotten through all the emotions that come with it. I figure, I have the rest of my life to figure it out. After the year mark, I see my life has changed for the best. I don't see how anyone can go through this and not thank there lucky stars that they are here. I look at all the people that are less fortunate than me. I have a roof over my head, a great family and friends and I thank God that he will someday make me understand what my purpose here on earth is for."
I remember my mom talking about death and dieing and it would make me angry and hurt. I felt she didn't care about us that we weren't living and fighting for. Then I wondered if i was selfish for expecting my mom to live in pain because I didn't want her to go? I still don't know the answer to this you can't know what it's like to stare death in the face and accept it unless you've been there. I can say I would fight to the ends of the earth to live but I have never been in the place my mom has.
Written be my mom:
"After surgery and half my insides removed I wanted to die. While my family prayed for my recovery, I prayed for God to take my life. I couldn't bear the pain and all that I had to overcome. I felt weak and vulnerable , somehow lost in all that, I knew I couldn't face another day. For me life had stopped .As I watched my family stay strong and stand by my side , I knew I couldn't give up. With evey ounce of my being, I began to fight like never before. I have never been a quitter. I went through the chemo, Gosh I hatted it. Lost my hair. At this point I didn't care, I was to weak to care. All I cared about was being here for my family that somehow thought I should be here. A year later I am here. My life is different from before. I will never be the same person I was a year ago. Everyday is a new day for me. I always say that if I don't wake up in pain, I am dead. I have my life for as long as it may be, and I thank God for giving me extra borrowed time. I am truely grateful. Merry Christmas to all my family and friends who have stood beside me in these difficult times."
I felt so relieved after her last chemo treatment. I knew her hair would grow back and we could all move on. She was cancer free. The truth is cancer doesn't leave. It sleeps. My mother goes for cancer checks every few months to make sure her numbers are low. And slight elevation makes me sick all over again. She is living in a grey area. She was given only a 30% chance of survival past 5 years. December 16th 2010. I worry what the next 2 years will bring, but I enjoy the time I do have with my mom and feel confidant she will watch my children grow up.
Final word from my mom:
"It has been a long hard battle just getting well, but I am finally there. Sure, I have my good days and also my bad days from the extensive surgury but overall "Life couldn't be better".
I have learned a lot from having cancer. I believe it has changed me into a better person. When you think you are going to die... your life flashes in front of you. You can make decisions to continue living the way you always have, or you can make the most of everyday. The first year...I wanted to quit so many times. But in all fairness...I have never quit anything in my life. It is my stubborn nature to fight until I get it right. I am glad I took the road to get it right. I use to be type A personality...I still am but in a better way. The first thing I learned was to get rid of all the negative aspects in my life and once I did that the rest just became easier. I had to let family and friends go that brought me down all the time. Those relationships were making me sick and I just wanted to get well. You never realize how some situations can make you ill. The most important thing I learned was to truly look at everyday as if it were your last. I never noticed the simple things in life before. Just how a smile or a good deed doesn't go unnoticed. Just waking up and realizing you are here for a reason. I am still trying to figure that one out...but I will. I haven't talked to God in a very long time. I was so angry after all this and in so much pain, I prayed for him to take me....well... hello, I guess I really am here for a reason....a purpose...it doesn't matter...I am here.
I have learned that cancer doesn't change who you are...you do. I love to laugh like never before. I really believe it is a cure for what ails you. I lost my witty sense of humor somewhere along the line. It took an illness for me to get it back. I love who I have become...it was always there, only hidden in a safe place. I am glad I found me again. I realized for every day that I have been given, I will cherish it. I will love myself and others, forgive quickly and most important of all...I will always tell the people that I hold dear to my heart that I love them and how important they are in my life. Life is to short to put off things that could be done today, There may never be another chance. Tomorrow is a day that may never come. It only takes a moment to tell someone how special they are and that you love them. If each and everyone of us would just change what we don't like, this world would be a much happier place. Don't wait for an illness to make you change or be happy, I learned that the hard way, but I am glad I learned. When I am gone I hope others realize that I made a difference in their life, and that they make the changes in their own life to be happy. "
I love to see how the world has embraced Breast Cancer Research, I wish there was the same outpouring of support for Ovarian Cancer. It's a silent killer. Now you can help! On the Electrolux Web site, you can create and send a unique virtual cupcake to friends and family during February. For every cupcake sent, Electrolux will donate $1 to the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund (OCRF) as part of their half million dollar commitment to help support this worthy cause.
What's more! Have you seen the Electrolux commercials? They're spokswoman is Kelly Rippa, she designed a custom "Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve" T-Shirt with 100% of the proceeds going towards the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund. The shirt is adorable and available only for a limited time! How great is that! I am so excited to see them reaching out to help support research! So what are you waiting for go send your loved ones a virtual cupcake oh I forgot to mention....for every virtual cupcake you send you will be entered to win the newest front-load Washer & Dryer (an estimated $3,600 value) from Electrolux